Let's uncover the truth and debunk 5 common misconceptions about healthy intimacy...
Keep the peace
This often means dismissing authentic, difficult feelings. When we avoid our deeper truth, our
energy is incongruent, and our partners experience us as untrustworthy. This also leads to
resentment. Be willing to explore legitimate feelings that lead to conflict and how to share
them. Let your partner know that the relationship is worth the work of strengthening your
emotional tolerance and being willing to have the difficult conversations.
Say you’re sorry
Try refraining from “I’m sorry”—focus more on understanding, expressing remorse and regret,
and leaning into your partners experience. “I’m sorry” can feel like a dismissal: “I said I was
sorry, can we let it go now,” without the depth of understanding that we need to truly heal and
move on. Imagine deeply exploring your partner’s experience to make sure they feel you
understand them before expressing any apology.
Never Go to Bed Angry
Research shows that at the end of the night, particularly after a long argument, our nervous
systems are depleted and we’re flooded with stress hormones, making it less likely that we’ll
effectively resolve anything. It’s okay to go to bed with upset feelings with an agreement to
talk in the morning. Sleep provides needed rest and reprieve, and often a reset to the nervous
system, allowing for a more objective perspective, calming neurochemicals, and more effective
problem-solving skills when we wake.
Don’t F**k It Up
Contrary to popular belief, mistakes are not only okay, they’re NECESSARY for growth. The very
neurochemicals that are released when we feel we’ve made an “error,” are the exact
neurochemical cocktail needed for “rewiring” our nervous system. Learn to celebrate the
mistakes as opportunities for learning, growth, and the necessary path toward change.
Make Your Partner Happy
Most of us were taught to put others’ needs before our own, and that self-care is selfish. But
when we don’t honor our own needs—when we don’t “take up space,” and we deplete our
energy appeasing our partners, we end up building resentment because we’ve become smaller
and smaller versions of ourselves.