Sometimes suffering needs a place to find and express itself—to find it’s way through to wherever it needs to land; without being solved, fixed, or changed. Sometimes suffering, when we can tolerate it and allow ourselves to be with it, raw and honest, actually becomes the exact path into healing, and into the next phase of our development as humans.
In trying to alter or alleviate it, we can become stuck in suffering, as we deny its validity and purpose in our lives. And through that denial, suffering can become unrecognizable, masked in addiction and other behaviors that numb the pain and distract us from truth. Yet it will keep coming back around, to steal our attention until we choose—or are forced—to sit, eye to eye, and yield to whatever wisdom it brings.
I’ve recognized as of late that It is time for me to yield—to sit with pain, sadness, confusion, and allow it to teach me. We live in a world that celebrates “positive emotion” but neglects the value of our pain. We often want to solve it, resolve it, push it away, or avoid it, because it’s uncomfortable. Yet there is so much to learn when we can deeply listen. I’ve been sensing my own need to strengthen my emotional tolerance, and step into the unknown.
For most of us, when we are truly stepping into a place of trusting the value of pain, we are resistant to sympathy and even more so to others offering advice or attempting to solve our problems. We are where we need to be. There is no better way to heal than through trusting the process, listening deeply to our own inner wisdom, and doing the deep work, sometimes with a trusted therapist or confidante.
Something to consider: If you feel into someone’s space of sadness, anger, grief, or fear; that you maybe simply help them hold it—just be with them, in that space. Recognize and reflect the parts that you understand and be curious about the parts that you don’t. Don’t try to fix it. Don’t create a story about it. It just is.
And when you suffer, as you will, please remind those close to you of the same. Lets each practice reaching toward one another and doing our best to help hold that which makes each of our hearts ache.
This is the blessing of loving friendships. This acceptance—that we have communities of people around us—those who are within our physical space and those who reach through a digital connection, is a necessity for each of our healing, and a blessing which we can strengthen.
I re-watched a really wonderful and heart-opening movie recently. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, in which a young boy is dealing with his father’s tragic death due to 911. Close to the end, the boy shares a letter with a group of strangers to whom he’d reached out in search of a sign from his father. At the end, he realizes, and shares with them the gift of suffering—that he at least has that, that he at least can feel and connect to them all through knowing that they have suffered also. Such a beautiful moment and movie.
I am blessed to know so many people who truly “get it.” And I think most of you know what I mean when I say that. In some moments, I get it more than others. And when I don’t, I am thankful for those who love me through my muck.
So today, Thankful is where I will focus. Thank you all for being YOU—for taking up the space that you take up in the world and for teaching me through your own journeys.
Suffering offers an opportunity to practice listening, being with, and strengthening our emotional tolerance. We can practice being thankful for our suffering…. and remember to sometimes step away from it, get an objective view, and see it as something that connects us to one another.
For the Love of Your Life!
Angie